My relationship with a narcissist was the greatest form of self-destruction I ever experienced. What does it mean to love a narcissist?
Being in a relationship with a narcissist tests the limits of love. Most people are inclined to believe narcissists are in love with themselves. However, this is not entirely the case. I have come to find narcissists crave romantic love. They long for the kind of love that makes them feel appreciated.
They long for a lover who will hold them on a pedestal. This is why the attraction between a narcissist and an empathetic person can be such a beautiful disaster waiting to happen.
People are often drawn to their polar opposites. Like opposite sides of the spectrum, they are attracted to each other. I discovered that passion burns bright for a time, but the flames die just as fast, leaving nothing but dying embers of a flame that once was.
The many things you’ll experience when you love a narcissist
Being the romantic that I was, I found out that falling in love was much like a drug. Unfortunately, like all drugs, I knew I would inevitably become addicted and find myself spiraling into the darkness. I had internal debates, and my stubborn brain battled it out with my foolish heart.
As I slowly started to fall in love with my narcissist, I soon discovered they were quite different from what the world perceived them to be. Like a moth to flame, I was drawn in even though my world started crumbling. I just couldn’t stay away. [Read: 25 signs of covert narcissism – A special kind of mind game]
What does it do to your relationship when you love a narcissist?
#1 Loving a narcissist is one hell of a roller coaster ride. I was always terrified of roller coasters. While I wasn’t exactly scared of heights, I felt much safer on the ground and was happy to have both feet planted firmly there.
Falling in love with a narcissist gave me an exhilarating feeling. It was a roller coaster ride, and for some reason, I refused to get off. The intense highs and lows of the relationship both exhilarated and exhausted me at the same time. [Read: How to recognize and end toxic relationships]
#2 The relationship feels like a one-way street. During the entirety of the relationship, the relationship became a one-sided thing because I didn’t feel like I was being loved in return.
According to research, narcissists tend to have difficulty loving their partners because they have not learned to love themselves. Because of this, it felt exhausting to be in the relationship. This exhaustion then led to the inevitable self-destruction.
#3 Narcissists love you because you fill a need in them. Narcissists have the need for a romantic love. They feel the need to be loved in a way that fills the void in their lives. While narcissists get into relationships, they do not necessarily feel love towards their partner. They also lack the ability to bond with them.
Narcissists tend to need people more than the normal person does. It becomes apparent that their sense of self-worth and self-esteem highly depend on how others view them. They also have a need to be left alone, which poses tumultuous problems in relationships.
#4 Narcissists will not take responsibility for their cruel actions. This is because narcissists do not care for anyone except themselves. They are oblivious as to how their actions affect others. They often view their mates as objects that are disposable and easily replaced. [Read: Emotional manipulation: 14 ways people mess with your mind]
#5 Narcissists choose their relationships very carefully. Narcissists are very shrewd when it comes to choosing their partners. They often choose those who have a certain status in society or those who show particular talent in some area. Once they zero-in on their prospect, they often project themselves to be the perfect partner, or their target’s projection of a perfect mate.
Narcissists are master manipulators, and their charm is deceptive. They captivate their target, including showering them with lots of attention, placing them on a pedestal, and offering them their affections. Because of these manipulative tactics, it becomes hard for their victim not to fall for their tricks.
Their target often thinks they found their soulmate. Once this happens, the target falls into their trap. [Read: How to recognize and stop selfish people from hurting you]
#6 Narcissists tend to devalue their partners over time. Once the narcissist got what they want, they begin to show their true colors. Their partners will be in for a shock when they find their mate gradually sheds their mask to reveal the ugliness within.
A few months into the relationship, the narcissist finds themselves feeling a void within that makes them grow restless and moody, constantly questioning their partner’s worth in the relationship.
They become indifferent towards their mates, when they once showered them with affection. Soon, their partner becomes an emotional wreck, an emotional punching bag for the narcissist. [Read: 12 signs of a narcissist and 12 ways to break up with them]
#7 The narcissist’s mate often realizes their partner isn’t the person they fell in love with. Unfortunately, many find this out too late in the relationship. The kind, caring person once generous with romantic gestures turned out to be nothing more than a sham.
The narcissist revealed their true self—a cruel manipulator. The victim desperately tries to bring back the person they fell in love with, only to find out that person never existed in the first place. It was just a mirage of what they perceived affection to be.
#8 Narcissists love keeping their mates in an emotional game of tug-of-war. Once the relationship takes its course, the narcissist won’t just discard their mates like a useless piece of trash. Somehow, they like playing the “hot-and-then-cold” game, which is emotional torture to their mates.
They love seeing their mates suffer. The abuse continues only as long as their mates allow it, which unfortunately, takes longer than it should.
#9 When the relationship ends, the narcissist disappears completely. When the narcissist ends a relationship, they often end it abruptly and without a goodbye. The relationship ends just as swiftly as it started, with only cruel silence left for their mates to endure. [Read: Unpopular opinion: Why not to seek closure after a breakup]
#10 Getting over a relationship with a narcissist is never easy. When I broke up with a narcissist, it left a chill in my heart, as the cold breeze does in December. Like many of those who experience relationships with narcissists, I found myself questioning if they ever loved me. The cruel silence gave me the answer, no.
Unfortunately, narcissists aren’t capable of loving someone completely. Their love for someone becomes a measure of their need. Once that need is fulfilled, they discard you to the wayside, since you are no longer a fit for them.
[Read: How to quickly spot narcissistic traits in a relationship]
Being in a relationship with a narcissist just isn’t worth it. Don’t be a victim of the narcissist; and never allow the past to pay a visit yet again. Lest the wounds of the past should never heal.